Moving on is Scary

This was written more than a year ago. I was in heartache, and do not know what to do. I kept myself busy, so that I could not think about him. This guy, he was so special, which he has a place in my heart. But the thing that happened to us, he left me.

 I did not talked to him for a long time, after what he did to me. Until one day, I found this Paolo Coelho's quote "You have to forgive your past, so it won't destroy  your present."


I moved on. I forgive him, but I think the company that we had will not happen again.
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May 15, 2011 at 12:55pm

Moving on is scary. I think it’s the fact that you’re leaving behind something that made you so comfortable, something you could have always fell back on. Now you don’t have it anymore. Not so much the person, but the feeling that they used to give you. Feelings don’t fade, but they do change. They morph into something new, I guess. At least that’s how I experience it. Now I’m beginning to let go, little by little, each and every day. The days are getting less harder, and the ache in my chest is becoming a little less noticeable. It’s the memories now that are the only things that do bother me. The flashbacks of when things used to be that get me down, at least for a little.

I know one thing that I’ll never forget, though. How you made me feel. The times you made my heart flutter, sink, flip, flop, fly. The smile that used to spread on my face when we talked. I don’t have to be in love with you to enjoy those memories. You’ll always be classified as the one person that made me feel complete and total happiness at a really dark time. The one I shared everything with when I felt my world was falling apart. You were my only friend at times, and I thank you for that.

I hope a little in my heart that everything wasn’t a total lie. But even if it was to you, it wasn’t to me. I don’t know why that comforts me, but it does. My feelings for you were genuine, and I’ll never let you forget that. Now that I’m moving on, and the pain is beginning to fade away, and the feelings that I felt for you are no longer as prominent as they were, I just want you to know that I’ll love you forever. No, not in the manner I always thought I would, but as a friend. A companion. A confidant. That idea used to be so foreign to me, but I’m comfortable with it now.

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